Anger Was My Opening

Recently, I've been working with and through some anger I didn't realize I was holding.

I was feeling myself becoming more easily offended, frustrated, and upset by the slightest inconveniences. Instead of going with the flow and extending compassion to myself and others, I was furious. It didn't make sense. My anger was disproportionate to the situations I was facing. Heaviness weighed on my chest and it felt like a dark cloud hung over me. What was really going on? Why was I reacting this way? I felt helpless, confused, and enraged.

Then, it hit me. I was actively grieving. Again.

Even as a former hospice chaplain and bereavement coordinator, I am still surprised by my grief almost 3.5 years after my family died and I got a divorce. Anger has been my window into my sadness for many years, even before my mother, brother, and father left.

I've learned that if I looked deeper into my anger, I would often find sadness and a place to surrender. A full release. The same was true here.

Try these steps when you experience an overwhelming emotion:

1. Name it. "I feel _________."

2. Allow it. Feel the emotions in your body.

3. Process it. What message does it have for you? What does it want you to know?

4. Release it. Rituals are great for this step.

I needed to feel anger and let it wash over me. I needed it to be a welcomed part of grief again and it needed to be expressed; so, I went to a nearby arroyo and gathered and threw large rocks. Then, I smashed them on each other, breaking them into smaller chunks. I screamed. I yelled. I struggled to throw the heavy ones. It was so cathartic. I screamed about the unfairness of being left behind. I flailed my body around until I was exhausted.

And then, I walked away--lighter and grateful, feeling a bit more like myself. I found a heart-shaped rock on my way out of the arroyo and was a reminded that anger is the antidote to love.

The naming was important. The allowing my anger was necessary. The physical ritual provided containment for release. Honestly, I am grateful for this experience and glad this particular encounter is over.

Reflection Questions:

• What's your experience been like with anger?

• What are your indicators that something is off?

• What do you need to release?

Journal your responses and bring this or other heart related matters to an Intuitive Guidance session. It's amazing how you'll be guided and encouraged during this time.